Recovery Spotlight: Corey B

My name is Corey and I’m a recovering alcoholic and addict. My journey started off very early. I started getting in trouble at the age of nine. I tried to burn down this mean old man’s house that lived in my neighborhood. My criminal behavior only got worse from then on. I started smoking weed at the age of 11. I was sneaking out at night with my sister who is five years older than me. I was more or less attached to her hip wanting to do everything she did. I started sneaking out of the house behind her and wanted to hang out with the older people and do what they were doing. I was raised and taught the drugs, drinking, lying, and stealing were what made you a man. This is what I saw my family. At the age of 12 or 13 years old I started using a lot of different drugs and I was selling crack and caring guns. I was a ninth-grade dropout who you couldn’t tell anything. I did whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and no one could change my ill minded thoughts. I flew under the radar for a few years. That didn’t help my outlook or the way I acted. At age 15 I started drinking heavily because I was on probation and partying with my life. I loved it. I started drinking from the time I woke up until the time I want to sleep or passed out drunk… Usually after I was done going on a rampage of built up anger. I drank a half a gallon of Kentucky gentlemen on a slow day, mixing it with any and every drug I could find. I would quit probation like it was a job. At age 18 I sold drugs to an undercover cop and went to a boy’s ranch in Cumberland Maryland for seven months. The only good thing that came from that was my GED. I stayed clean for maybe a month when I got back home but was right back to the streets full force. From age 19 to 21 I had been to jail at least 10 times for possession charges, driving without a license, destruction of property and so on. I label myself and alcohol because through my whole journey it has always been the thing that I went back to. By the time I was 21 years old I was fully endorsing the street life. I was using drugs whenever I was awake and drinking. When I was 23, I had already lived through two overdoses. One day I was at my sister’s house with her and her boyfriend. We were drinking and my sister and her boyfriend started arguing. He was abusive to her mentally and physically. This particular time he grabbed her, so I interfered and got into a fight with him. He stabbed me in the neck and cut through my jugular. Luckily my sisters neighbor was an ex-Marine and he found me lying on the front porch swing. I was in and out of consciousness due to the amount of blood I was losing. At this time in my life I was on the run for a little over two years. I had warrants in three different states. I was flown to Baltimore to get stitched up and two days later I was in the Frederick County detention Center to start the time I had been running from. Even after living through all this trauma and absolute stupid decisions I made, my addiction didn’t slow down.  As a matter fact it got worse. I wanted to escape from all this, life in general. Trying to cope with my pain, stress, fear, and ego was something I didn’t know how to do. I wanted to do anything but live at this point. I felt like I was drowning. I felt so alone even with a room full of people. I continued to use heroin and drink daily for five more years. Eventually a call selling drugs. The task force had me under surveillance for about four months. I was eventually caught with 45 capsules of fentanyl. Three felonies later I’m in a program called Drug Treatment Court. It’s a 15 to 18-month program they give you an alternative rather than going to prison. I pled guilty and took a bleed deal of 20 years all suspended but 4 years. When I got into Drug Court, I was clean from heroin but was still drinking like a fish. A month after getting into Drug Court I got high. I used for two weeks straight and my UA’s were positive for fentanyl. They put me in jail for a weekend. I got out and got high again. Mind you I have 16 years over my head but that did not seem to matter at the moment. All the consequences and repercussions that come with drinking and drugging don’t matter to me when I get the case of the “fuckits”. All bets are off, and I am full steam ahead back down the road with my demons. Luckily, they didn’t send me to prison! I had to go to outpatient counseling 5 days a week, 6 hours a day. I did the partial hospitalization program for 4 weeks then was dropped down to IOP. I had to quit my job at the time to do all this but honestly, it helped save my life. I started going to meetings because Drug Court required us to attend 90 meetings in 90 days. I went to meetings for a week before I found out I could just get my slip singed by someone else. A week after forging my slips, is when I relapsed. I jumped into meetings headfirst. Anything to not go to jail or prison for 16 years. I have learned so much. I have become very in touch with who I am today. I put in a lot of work in the past 97 days as of today. I took time to pinpoint my character defects, which consist of ANGER, self-esteem, selfishness, lying, cheating, stealing, and manipulation. I continue everyday to fight for a change toward the right things for the first time in my life. I wasn’t ready to be spiritual at all. I fought it for years, but today I have a Higher Power. I pray! I still struggle with meditation, but they say progress not perfection. Today I’m so grateful to be alive, to have relationships, morals, and priorities. I’m learning how to be humble and know what living life on life’s terms means now. Through the program of AA, I have found happiness, self-worth, the person I am truly on the inside. The hiding, stuffing, pretending, protecting by using and drinking. Working the program has and continues to teach me or show me day by day. When I used to think about being sober “rarely when it happened”, it would make me sick to my stomach and piss me off. Like I said, I’m blessed to be here and experience life sober and be okay with it. Accept what the day brings. This to shall pass! Thank you guys for loving and accepting me when I couldn’t do it for myself. Corey B